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Is it any wonder that countless folks have told us that we have the perfect
life?
Honestly, I’ve lost track of the people who have said that
over the years. Along with those who
have pointed out that our lifestyle must be exciting, fun, or awesome…or some
equally positive superlative. There are
those who say we’re living their dream.
Then, there are those who say that anyone can farm…that well, if all
else fails…that’s what they’ll do. Most of these folks seem to think farm life
is always sunshine and blue skies, healthy animals and abundant crops…without
any real effort on our part…things just fall into place in our perfect life.
Uh…yeah…right.
The other night, sometime after midnight, I was lying face down in the
middle of the barn floor, my face inches from the sheep’s behind and even
closer to the ground, with blood, birth goo and sheep poo clinging to my
clothes (and quite possibly in my hair), the beam from my headlamp dimming with
each passing moment, my arm deep inside the ewe, enduring the strong
contractions of labor, while trying to envision just what was going on inside
her, in a vain attempt to salvage something of a lambing that had gone so very
wrong…I distinctly remember saying to the Boss…”don’t you wonder what all those folks would think now? You think they’d want to do THIS?”
Honestly, I think about “those folks” frequently, but
particularly during lambing season.
Lambing season is the single most intense event here on the
hill. And, when I say this is my favorite time…or that I love it…most folks
smile knowingly, imagining the sight of fluffy little lambs frolicking in the
sunshine while they nibble sweetly at the lush green grass. It must be so fun! The reality
is that our lambing season occurs when green grass is but a distant memory, it’s
cold (and often dark as lambs tend to be born at night or early morning) and
that on occasion it can be an all-out battle between life and death and it
takes a lot of hard work, tough decisions and adrenaline (and copious amounts
of caffeine) to come out victorious. And, while it is rewarding and satisfying
to be successful, I don’t think I’d ever use the word FUN.
I thought of “those folks” again when the Boss and I
exchanged knowing glances when it became obvious that the lamb was huge and
dead and impossible to remove and there was no way the ewe could survive. After a short discussion, the Boss put her
down.
I wondered how many folks would understand (let alone attempt) what I was
doing as I went to the house for a knife to perform a post-mortem cesarean.
That was my last-ditch effort to salvage any lambs, although I was fairly certain
it was a lost cause. (we have done this in
the past with success, I might add) If nothing else, it would give me peace of
mind that I had indeed done everything humanly possible. And, know what was in
there. (by sense of feel alone, some rather disturbing images came to mind) There were
three enormous lambs inside! I certainly didn’t expect that. They were all mis-presented (one slightly
malformed)…and all dead. At least one had been dead for some time. (that caused
the entire environment to go toxic and the ewe wouldn’t have survived much longer anyway) What a disappointment after
spending a week tirelessly attending the downed ewe! But, we did have a
solution and some sort of closure.ī
When morning came, the Boss and I packed the dead ewe and
her equally dead (and somewhat frozen) lambs into the tractor bucket so he
could dispose of them properly. As I
watched him leave the barn yard, I thought about the harsh realities that we
had just faced and wondered how many folks understand or remotely appreciate
life on the farm. Or for that matter, even want to. There certainly weren’t any
blue skies and sense of a perfect life at that moment, I can assure you.
Sometimes, all the effort in the world won’t get you a fairytale
ending. While it may come as a
disillusion to some, farm life is not one of constant Hallmark moments and
Hollywood special effects. If you just
look at one particular moment, farm life can appear more than a little awful.
Farmers look hard and unfeeling in their actions. …and
this was most definitely one of “those” times.
These situations no longer reduce me to a heap of blubbering
self-doubt and angst. I used to find myself questioning nearly everything I
thought I knew and reviewing my actions endlessly. But, I’ve seen enough of these things over
the years to have learned to accept that sometimes we just don’t win. We try to
learn from the situation and move on. In
this particular case, we had given it our all…physically, mentally and
emotionally (no doubt about it---I have the bruises to prove it) and it just
wasn’t meant to be.
(Oddly, at the same time, another ewe gave birth to triplets
as well…with absolutely NO human intervention. They are very small, but seem to
be thriving. Proof positive that life goes on.)
Some folks would be repulsed by that harsh experience.
Perhaps others are disturbed by my recitation of the story. A lot of folks only
want to imagine the pristine beauty and happy times that they perceive the
bucolic life to be. But, to truly
understand and appreciate what we do, you must see our life in its entirety. If
you just focus on the good times…the beautiful scenery…the abundance and
bounty…and never fully seeing the darker side of things, you actually miss a great deal. Life becomes so much richer by
seeing the good and the bad, the bitter and the sweet, the pleasure and the
pain…
I found myself thinking of the Darryl Worley song:
…my life is like
a rollercoaster ride…
The ups and
downs and crazy turns along the way
It will throw
you off if you don’t hold on tight!
You can’t really
smile until you’ve shed some tears…
I might die
today or I might go on for years.
I love this crazy, tragic
Sometimes almost magic…
Awful, beautiful life.
Quite honestly, the good times, successes and triumphs far
outweigh the bad. So, I can say with
utter sincerity…
I love this life!
It is a beautiful life!
...even when it is awful.
Lyrics from Awful, Beautiful Life – Darryl Worley
2004 – Watch here.
I agree completely. You can't enjoy the sweet without the bitter. Contrast is what makes the joys in life so achingly beautiful. I have an acre just outside of a small town, and I have 12 chickens. I also have a bee hive. People look at us and say, how cute! Chickens and bees! They don't EVER want to hear about how I've had to wring necks in the shed right next to the coop because a chicken's reproductive system went haywire and she started laying internally, or because she had something like wry neck but not reversible. They definitely don't want to hear about how sad and awful it is to open a dead beehive after a hard winter, to find moldy frames of comb and thousands of dead bees. But those are the experiences that give depth and richness to the scene when things are good. Good post.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time to comment!
DeleteI visited your site, it looks like you and your family are going to have quite the homesteading adventures! I think I could live in that chicken coop. It's beautiful.
You're so right about giving depth and richness...this IS a beautiful life!
Best to you.
Barbara - this is a beautiful, heart-warming - and at the same time tragic - story, which more or less sums up all farm life. When we got Foot and Mouth here on the farm ten years ago we lost our whole herd of cattle (milk cows) and about a hundred sheep. Some of the cows were almost pets and for days we felt bereft. But in farming you pick yourself up and you get on with things - that;s how it is. This post should get a wider audience than just us other bloggers reading it -
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Pat!
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw the coverage of the Foot and Mouth outbreak on the news years back, I felt like crying for all those farmers affected. What a tragedy! I am so sorry that y'all had to endure that.
However, endure you did and like you said, you pick yourself up and go on with things. 'cause that's just the way it is. Hard times certainly make you appreciate the good times!
Hope you have a lovely weekend.